Terrible Twos
How to manage them without pulling out your hair.. or theirs!
by Dr. Victor Ng - Web Editor
Have you ever wanted to just go across and give that kid or those kids a smack across the face? Some can scream to bring the whole building down, run all over the place, spit, cry non stop and the worst thing is, the parents don’t seem to care. Don’t they know this is a public place and just because they are kids it doesn’t mean that they have a license to behave badly?
Well, perhaps I am being a bit harsh! But honestly, I cannot remember my own kids behaving in such a manner, is it in the genes? Yah, blame it on the genes. So, stubborn children being reared by stubborn parents, no wonder they seem oblivious to the kid’s antics. The ‘Terrible Twos’ can last a long time, sometimes even after they turn four if not dealt with properly. But is there a proper way to deal with what outwardly looks like pure defiance? Some put it down as stubbornness and in most circumstances, is a trait which is difficult to define and correct, especially at this age. So how does one deal with it and hopefully not feel totally helpless and at the child’s mercy?
Children can be extremely noisy, active, easily distracted and totally uncooperative and it doesn’t matter how ‘good’ your kid is, at some point they will throw some temper tantrums. According to many books on child psychology, temper tantrums are apparently the prequel to being more verbal, the beginnings of a more definite form of communication. And because the children themselves may be frustrated in their inability to communicate effectively and thus unable to get what they want, they resort to whatever ‘armory’ they may have which at this age is non coherent screaming and ‘negative’ behavior. And as a positive feedback, the screaming and inappropriate behavior gets them what they want and the action is thus perpetuated.
Tips to dealing with The Terrible Twos.
Negativism seems to be a common feature. The child refuses to eat, refuses to drink, refuses to let you change their clothes, refuses to bathe, refuses to stop screaming, refuses to well.. nearly everything you want them to do.
Do not respond by shouting back at them. This only encourages them to be even more defiant and this goes with any form of punishment as well. Instead try (and you will need lots of patience) to look at it from a totally different perspective, smile if you can, laughing may sometimes be appropriate, you will be amazed how looking at it with a touch of humour can make the child cooperate.
Instead of saying, “Go wash up”, try “Should we use the bath-tub or take a shower today”. Instead of “Eat your apple”, try “Apple or Orange”? Give them a choice, let them feel as though they are the ones having the upper hand when in fact it is actually you calling the shorts and giving the alternatives.
Try not to threaten! “If you don’t eat your porridge, you wont get to watch TV.” Instead, try “Quickly finish your porridge and you can get to watch your favourite TV show.” You will find that this form of persuasion will work better.
Similarly, when the child asks for something, try not to be directly negative. For example, if your child asks, “Want Ice-cream,” even if you don’t intend to give it, instead of plainly saying “No”, try “Maybe later” and if appropriate, include “After you have cleaned up” or “You are not well, after your cough is better we will have ice-cream together”. Always try to be positive.
Do not appear to be giving an order, “Get down from there or stop screaming”, but rather “Do come down or you might hurt yourself”.
At the end of the day, there are no hard and fast rules and you have to take each child individually into consideration. Don’t be too hard on yourself if sometimes you can barely control yourself and end up shouting at the Terrible Two. Just hope that it doesn’t become the Terrible Three and worse still Terrible Four, Five and Six.
Good Luck!